love without possessiveness.


Possessiveness:

Of or relating to ownership or possession. Having or manifesting a desire to control or dominate another, especially in order to limit that person’s relationships with others: example a possessive parent or Afromantic partner. Relating to, or indicating possession.

What is meant by possessiveness in love?

In a relationship a possessive person is someone who is possessive in his or her feelings and behaviour towards or about another person, and wants to have all of that person’s love and attention and will not share it with anyone else.

A possessive person often expresses jealousy. He might become angry or upset when you socialize with friends, family or co-workers.

It takes someone being very comfortable with themselves to be able to love others. You have to love yourself before you are even capable of loving someone else. When you are possessive, it means that you are afraid. They are your external illusion to “happiness”.

Possessiveness and jealousy are indicators of a lack of strength in character and lack confidence in an individual’s state of being.

Osho stated quite succinctly that….
“If you love a flower, don’t pick it up.
Because if you pick it up it dies
and it ceases to be what you love.
So if you love a flower, let it be.
Love is not about possession.
Love is about appreciation.”

This doesn’t mean one should treat their significant other as if they are delicate flowers that won’t break or crumble if you are not careful. But you should treat your significant other as if they are a valued and valuable part of your life. And this means striving to not impede their potential growth or even their space.

There is a story of two men. Two neighbors who started gardening at the same time. One a retired schools teacher, tended his garden, in what would seem like a less than perfect way. Sometimes he would be their and then says go by and he is not there. He was there to get rid of the weeds and water them only.

The other man was a retired business man, who applied the meticulous methodology to garden as he did to his plant. Getting rid of weeds. Watering them. Clipping the leaves. Talking and singing to them, etc.

One day a major storm came through with such a force that it damaged both gardens. However the business man’s garden was completely wiped out. Puzzled, upset and confused, he went over to his neighbor the retired teacher to complain about his confusion as to why his garden suffered complete damage.

The retired teacher explained to him that his own garden was allowed to grow somewhat independant of his administration. The plants were able to fend for themselves a little. Find nutrients on their own, when he was not there to feed them regularly.

The retired teacher told the retired business man that his meticulousness and constant hovering over the plants made the plants too dependent on him to feed them and take care of them.

When the storm came through his plants did not know how to react, recover and respond to a tragic circumstances like a major storm.

Just like a plant that is trained to depend on the gardener, the possessive person wants their mate of children to depend on them almost exclusively to the detriment of their growth and their relationship.

They possessive person will scream mightily that they are not controlling of course. Until they start being controlling of their partners friends, social media activities, work associates and even after their mate starts to take care of themselves fitness wise of grooming wise.

Heck … I know of possessive people who dreamt their partner was having an affair and used that to accost them unfairly. I have been told that dreams are message from the other side by those who overstand how that works.  Yet these same people, while overstanding that your subconscious…or Ori…is the first Orisha, this same subconciousness can also be feed back mechanism of messages written or fed to them by the persons conscious fears.

In other words the dream you have of big homies scandalous behaviours maybe fed to your subconcious self by the fear you have that women want him. And being that all men cheat, naturally big homie will cheat eventually, so you create a scenario and bury it in your subconscious to swirl around as a message in a dream.

But not all possessiveness need to go that far to realize those fears. All a possessive person has to do is to oppress their partner with their fears to the point where the person either remove themselves from this persons presence or even selfishly act out in the imagine fashion just to spite the possessive person.

Then there are some possessive person who are so far down the rabbit hole that they create a screwed narrative that would make them take their partners lives.

Unfortunately the help that the jealous and positive person needs often never comes or comes too late.  A positive person is always the last to know and the one most in denial. However the partner in this scenario should never, ever for one second believe this too shall pass.

Either deal with this as a sickness requiring strict intervention or get the help out and hope you get out with your reputation or life intact.

The story below is a case in point of some one who saw the signs but took th possessiveness too lightly before it got to the point where getting out intact was not an option.

Lashonda Childs Affair

 

This kind of results used to be seen as rare among black people. It has become a regular thing. The longer black people stay mingled in the madness of western uncivilization, the more our post maafa trauma is exacerbated. Many of us are walking around mentally or emotionally imbalanced and barely functional and only require that one trigger to tip us over the edge.

In the case of what is erroneously called a tempestuous relationship, I would like to reference a poem from the European fantasy book that many cult members and former cult members of Christianinsanity fail to adhere to…

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects….