what is love?

As long as I keep food on the table, long as I keep the bills paid,


What is love?

Well according to some guys who wrote a book called the dictionary —pick one, any one—love is….

1. A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2. A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

3. Sexual passion or desire.

4. A person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

5. (Used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?

 Many of us buy into this crap, take it, massage it and then use it as fuel to some fantasy of what relationship should be is and all that you need in life.

Say what????

Ask 20 different people and you would probably get 20 different definitions, based on culture, philosophy, environment and a whole slew of reasons why we as supposed sentient beings have no clue as to what love is.  This is why this author is constantly trying to find a working definition of a something so commonly used and yet remain such a mystery to so many in application, presentation and explanation.

For decades in the 19th and 2oth century, enslaved Africans and their offspring’s were force fed the fantasy of what this
(I call it the dirty four letter word) is. It IS a dirty four letter word based on its his-storical abuse, misuse and corruption. When the stylistic sang break up to make up you would be excused for experiencing a twilight zone episode as written by Albert Einstein and his definition of insanity.

 But love and the accompanying imprisonment that is the Eurocentric styled union called marriage becomes the norm instead of the exception to centuries long mature union practised out side of Europe by older civilizations. Note the word civilization.  Also note the prefex civilize.

Civilian: CIV ilian (si vil’ yan) n.
One who is not in the armed forces but in a common society

Civility: CIV ility (si vil’ it ee) n.
Quality of being civilized; the manner of a civil person; politeness

Civilize: CIV ilize (siv’ i lize) v.
to bring up from barbarism; to train to live with others

What we get from the above three definitions are that in love there is and should be a modicum of civility, politeness, less savagery and learning to live with each other. Yet western society has shown increasing statistics on divorces, separation and the dirty nasty acrimony associated with relationship break ups. If we read up on the definition of culture, what we take from this is that culture is basically what you are doing right now. When knee-grows complain that Pan- Africanists (for examples) talk too much about African culture when we born in the west are not African and have no relationship to Africa. What these ignoramuses fail to realize is that since culture is basically what you are doing now, then we are in fact Euro-clones or Afro-peons.  African people in the west suffer intensely from the malady derived from acting contrary to their nature and in so doing are schizophrenic in how we define this thing called love and in our relationship with each other as males and females. In popular culture, which is what we call European dominant socialization, evidence of this confusion comes up repeatedly in so called love songs or songs about break ups.

Whenever I hear goodbyes, remind me baby of you
I break down and cry, next time I’ll be true, yeah
Fever for lost romance remind me baby of you
I took a crazy chance
Next time I’ll be true, I’ll be true, I’ll be true
Footsteps on the dance floor remind me baby of you
Teardrops in my eyes, next time I’ll be true, yeah
Whispers in the powder room
“She cries on every tune, every tune, every tune….”

“….And the music don’t feel like it did when I felt it with you, nothing that I do or feel, ever feels like I felt it with you”.

———-Tear drops by Womack and Womack
from the album conscience

Do the above stir that long buried emotion of Love in you? You know Love, that elusive fairy tale like, utterly emotion filled, illogical, mind altering effect, reminiscent of a drunken binge or a highly suspect drug induced high and subsequent  crash-that has ruined numerous relationships and families for generations.

FYI: The following is lifted from the website


1.   Today the number of children born into a black marriage averages less than 0.9 children per marriage. “The birthrates of black married women have fallen so sharply that absent out-of-wedlock childbearing, the African American population would not only fail to reproduce itself, but would rapidly die off.”

During the days of slavery a black child was more likely to grow up living with both parents than he or she is today.

As recently as 1960, three-quarters of African Americans were born into a family of a married couple.

“Today only [one-third] of black children have two parents in the home.”

 “Black children are only half as likely as white children to be living in a two-parent household, and are eight times more likely than white children to live with an unwed mother. For black children under six, ‘the most common arrangement — applying to 42 percent of them — was to live with a never-married mother.'”

 An African American women averages less than one child during marriage.

“Only 18 percent of black women who married in the 1940s eventually divorced, a rate only slightly higher than that for white women of that era. But, of that far smaller number of black women who married in the late sixties and early seventies, 60 percent have already divorced.”

“In 1960, 23 percent of black children were born to unwed mothers. Today the proportion is nearly the same for whites, and the rate is rising rapidly.”

“”‘Exposure to single motherhood at some point during adolescence increases the risk [of a daughter’s later becoming a single mother] by nearly [150 percent] for whites and…..by about 100 percent for blacks.'”

All the above are taken from the book The Abolition of Marriage, by Maggie Gallagher 
A recent study for the journal Criminology has revealed that “neighborhoods with larger portions of adults who are less ‘invested’ in marriage and residential stability are more likely to see higher rates of assault by African-American males.” Analysis of the data reveals that “the proportion of residents without married couples…maintains the strongest relationship with intimate assault rates for African-Americans…” This leads to the conclusion that “lower levels of marital commitments and stable residents constitute…significant barriers to the development of social capital [an important determinant of healthy community life] among minorities.”

Woodredge, J. and Thistlethwaite, A. (2003) Neighborhood structure and race-specific rates of intimate assault. Criminology, v41. Retrieved from The Family in America, April 2004.

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