African men/women relationship and deflections

I keep hearing a symphony everywhere I go, and the chorus is always the same “Black Men Ain’t Shyt”. Have you ever considered the fact that if all the Black Men that YOU come across “ain’t shyt”, then maybe….just maybe it’s not them…it’s you? Whenever a female tries to come to me telling me her man ain’t shyt , I look at her sideways. If he ain’t shyt then what the Hell does that make YOU? Our mates serve as mirrors, so whatever you see in him, resides in you. Who is giving BIRTH and PRODUCING all these “ain’t shyt” men? Where there are no decent WOMEN, there are no decent MEN, so if we can’t find decent men it is the DIRECT RESULT of our indecent behavior as WOMEN. I mean every day, there is a rant, a post, a conversation, a script being written, a t-shirt being made that will state how black men are trifling, don’t have nothing, won’t be nothing. Do you think that is motivational to men? You think that inspires them to do better or be better for a group of women that have already deemed them “no good” and “failures”? Yet, we keep our favorite “Black Men Ain’t Shyt” songs on repeat.At the end of it all, YOU are the common denominator in your failed relationships. One of the worst things we do as women is take advice from another bitter woman, she becomes like venom, poison and planting seeds of HER dissatisfaction in YOUR relationship . 

Why can’t we just be honest with ourselves? Instead of saying I don’t need a man; try saying some of the following:

“I’m scared to rely on you. When I was younger instead of reading me a bedtime story, my mother told me horror stories of all the trifling black men that left her and her girlfriends, to raise children all by themselves.”

“My mother never told me how to choose a man, because whatever man I chose (according to her) was going be a shiftless nicca regardless.

“I wasn’t taught how to “keep” a man, so I lash out and say I don’t need you. I was taught to be strong and independent, and that I was supposed to do everything by myself”.

“I was taught to never be a follower in the wrong connotation, so I don’t know how to see you as leader, because for the longest time, I thought the only place a Black Man could lead me was to hell, never stopping to understand the HELL that MY attitude and actions have created for you.”

“I was taught that YOU weren’t reliable but the child support system damn sure was. I didn’t have to wait to see what you would willingly do for your child because I knew these courts would FORCE you to do it”.

“I’ve been HURT, I haven’t allowed myself to heal from my pain, I don’t know HOW to heal from my pain, but my pain has made me bitter and angry, and I think every man will be like the men from my past and hurt me, so instead of looking at the actions of an individual, it was much easier to place ALL men in the same “no good” category. 

“So you see deep down it’s not that I don’t “need” you, I just didn’t realize How MUCH I REALLY DO NEED YOU, so please be patient with me as BOTH of us find our way back to original selves, which will in turn lead us back to EACH OTHER.”

But honesty and accountability among women seems too much ask for. We lay down with a so called bum, and expect to rise with perfection and when we don’t, it’s all HIS fault. We don’t make marriage a requirement, then wonder why you don’t marry us. We give you hatred, then wonder why you don’t love us.We’d rather bask in deflection and bitterness; because those seem to be our comfort zones.”

Source Nojma reflects:  Sister Nojma Muhammad is a blogger whose goal is to rip away the veil of denial and misdirection that African women use to abstain from taking their share of the responsibility for the demise of the African family, and the rise of the so called gender wars that is currently decimating our community.

They say a nation can only go as far as the women, which is true. How far do you think it can go if both the men and women are at each others throats? How far can it go if they males don’t act like men ans protect the women and children, killing for them instead of just dying for them?.  How far can it go if the women fail to support and honor the men and so doing honor themselves?

These  sisters gets it.

Jasera montsho- I apologise

Brotha – Angie Stone

Einstein is reported to have stated that doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, is insanity. Yet knee-grows keep doing the same dysfunctional thing over and over again and expect the greater community to give them respect. They demand respect from each other, while they deal in death and destruction , both mentally and spiritually.

Black Mental Illness

Black Male Female Relationships

Dr. Amos Wilson – Black Male And Female Relationships

2 thoughts on “African men/women relationship and deflections

  1. I agree when you say, “One of the worst things we do as women is take advice from another bitter woman, she becomes like venom, poison and planting seeds of HER dissatisfaction in YOUR relationship” . It happened to me when my man left me. But I wanted my ex back and stopped listening to other sisters that were in the same situation.

    So I started reading relationship type blogs and get your ex back sites like I quickly realized that I didn’t know as much as I thought I did and neither did any woman that was dumped. So if you’re still trying to figure out men (or women) when it comes to relationships then I suggest you keep reading and you’ll get your relationship back in order just like I did. But with help from people that already know how and not from another bitter woman like I was at the time.
    I got my man back and he’s stick’n around now because I understand wassup with their behavior, and it’s not all about sex either.


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