May you live in interesting times!

A guy was fed bullshit all his life and they told him it was steak. he grew up and ate a real steak then yelled “what’s this bullshit!”—–David Banner


Self-esteem is the confidence in one’s own worth or abilities; self-respect,pride, dignity, self-regard. Consequently, a person with low selfesteem feels unworthy, incapable, and incompetent. In fact, because the person with low selfesteem feels so poorly about him or herself, these feelings may actually cause the person’s continued low selfesteem. Low self-esteem,for the manufactured entity called the kneegrow, is exhibited in three distinct ways. Self mutilation, self destruction (including destroying others that look like you) and the desire to breed out of your ethnicity. A combination of self destruction and self mutilation.
Trending on social media right now, is a the series of images of the rapper once called “Lil” Kim, now called “Lil white girl”, who went through extensive surgery to remove all of the Afrikan aesthetic features, that the universe blessed her with.

Based on the amount of support that Kim gets after the pictures came out, her fans, even those taken aback by the gradual transformation over the years ( as if they didn’t see this final edition coming) still absolved her actions.

By claiming that a series of black men, most specifically Christopher Wallace, insulted her Afrikan features, Kim’s more fervent supporters, transferred the blame from her obvious mental health issues on to the generic “black men” in her life.

The following lines was lifted directly off of YouTube:

“its true though black dudes always be trying to get at the light skin girls especially white girls. very sad when you can’t love your own race.”

“Everybody wanna bash Kim and call her “unrecognized able”…. But then these same people are calling Kylie Jenner gorgeous….”

“everybody mad at Kim but nobody mad at nicki minaj and Michael Jackson ????”

“Don’t forget Latoya Jackson and that one baseball player Sammy Sosa.”

“she just bein honest with herself. I look in the mirror I don’t see anything special because it just reality. If I could change I would. Telling people they are fine the way they are is nice and all, but it doesn’t change reality. it’s not going to help a person attract more members of the opposite sex. I feel bad for her and I completely understand why she would do this. nice comments don’t bring about real change to ones existence.”

As I grow a little bit wiser over the years, I have concluded that the manufactured entity called the kneegrow, particularly the female version, are some of the most deflecting, excuse making, irrational, mentally impaired creatures, ever come out of the laboratory of Yurugu. And be not confused, there are a lot of irrational “females” with penis and scrotum, who may appear as male, but who’s behavior is equally as irrational, mentally impaired and deflecting.  They extend the kinds of breaks and pass to celebrities and others who are in the “I like you” category and travels way beyond pathetic and has taken up residence in the neighborhood of retardedness.

According to social scientists…they are yurugu, so they must be authentic….ten causes of low self esteem includes the following:

1. Disapproving Authority Figures

If you grew up hearing that whatever you did wasn’t good enough, how are you supposed to grow into an adult with a positive self-image? If you were excessively criticized no matter what you did or how hard you tried, it becomes difficult to feel confident and comfortable in your own skin later. The shame forced on you for perpetually “failing” can feel blindingly painful.

2. Uninvolved/Preoccupied Caregivers

It’s difficult to motivate yourself to want more, strive for more, and imagine that you deserve more when your parents or other primary caregivers didn’t pay attention – as if your greatest achievements weren’t worth noticing.This scenario often results in feeling forgotten, unacknowledged, and unimportant. It can also leave you feeling that you are not accountable to anyone, or you may believe that no one in the here and now is concerned about your whereabouts, when that’s actually a carry-over feeling from your painful past. Feeling unrecognized can result in the belief that you are supposed to apologize for your existence.

3. Authority Figures in Conflict

When parents or other caregivers fight or make each other feel badly, children absorb the negative emotions and distrustful situations that have been modeled for them. It’s scary, overwhelming, and disorganizing. This experience can also occur when one parent is deeply distraught or acts uncharacteristically around the child. For a child who has been subjected to excessive conflicts between authority figures, it can feel as if he or she has contributed to the fights or to a parent’s painful circumstance. Intense conflicts are experienced as extremely threatening, fear driving, and the child may believe he or she has caused it. This feeling of being “tainted” can be carried into adulthood.

4. Bullying (with Unsupportive Parents)

If you had the support of a relatively safe, responsive, aware family you may have had a better chance at recovering and salvaging your self esteem after having been taunted and bullied as a child. If you already felt unsafe at home and the torture continued outside the home, the overwhelming sense of being lost, abandoned, hopeless, and filled with self-loathing pervaded your everyday ife. It can also feel like anyone who befriends you is doing you a favor, because you see yourself as so damaged. Or you may think that anyone involved in your life must be predatory and not to be trusted. Without a supportive home life, the effects of bullying can be magnified and miserably erode quality of life.

5. Bullying (with Over-Supportive Parents)

Conversely, if your parents were overly and indiscriminately supportive, it can also leave you feeling unprepared for the cruel world. Without initial cause to develop a thick outer layer, it can feel challenging and even shameful to view yourself as unable to withstand the challenges of life outside the home. From this perspective, you may feel ill prepared and deeply ashamed to admit this dirty ugly secret about you, even to your parents, because you need to protect them from the pain they would endure if they knew. Instead, you hide the painful secret of what’s happened to you. The shame can be overwhelming and cloud your perspective. Eventually it can seem as if your parents’ opinion of you is in conflict with the world’s opinion of you. It can compel you to cling to what is familiar moving forward in your life, and you may question the validity of your parents’ positive view of you, and default to the idea that you are not good enough or are victim-like and should be the subject of ridicule.

6. Bullying (with Uninvolved Parents)

If your primary caregivers were otherwise occupied while you were being bullied, downplayed your experience, or let you down when you needed their advocacy, you might have struggled with feeling undeserving of notice, unworthy of attention, and angry at being shortchanged. When the world feels unsafe, the shame and pain are brutal. These feelings could also be evoked if parents were in transitional or chaotic states – so that what happened to you wasn’t on anyone’s radar. If there’s chaos at home, it can be hard to ask for attention or to feel like there is room for you take up space with your struggles. Instead, you may retreat and become more isolated and stuck in shame.

7. Academic Challenges Without Caregiver Support

There’s nothing like feeling stupid to create low self-esteem. If you felt like you didn’t understand what was happening in school – as if you were getting further and further behind without anyone noticing or stepping in to help you figure out what accommodations  you needed – you might have internalized the belief that you are somehow defective. You may feel preoccupied with and excessively doubt your own smartness, and feel terribly self-conscious about sharing your opinions. The shame of feeling as if you aren’t good enough can be difficult to shake, even after you learn your own ways to accommodate for your academic difficulties.

8. Trauma

Physical, sexual, or emotional abuse may be the most striking and overt causes of low self-esteem. Being forced into a physical and emotional position against your will can make it very hard to like the world, trust yourself or trust others, which profoundly impacts self-esteem. It may even feel like your fault when it couldn’t be less your fault. Obviously, in these scenarios, there is so much going on at one time that you might need to check out, dissociate, go away. It can make you feel like nothingness. In an effort to gain control of your circumstances, in your head you may have convinced yourself that you were complicit or even to blame. You may have found ways to cope with the abuse, to manage the chaos in ways that you understand are unhealthy, so you may ultimately view yourself as repulsive and seeringly shameful, among a zillion other feelings. 

9. Belief Systems

When your religious (or other) belief system puts you in a position of feeling as if you are perpetually sinning, it can be similar to the experience of living with a disapproving authority figure. Whether judgment is emanating from authority figures or from an established belief system in your life, it can evoke shame, guilt, conflict and self-loathing. Many structured belief systems offer two paths: one that’s all good and one that’s all bad. When you inevitably fall in the abyss between the two, you end up feeling confused, wrong, disoriented, shameful, fake, and disappointed with yourself over and over again. 

10. Society and the Media

It’s no secret that people in media are packaged and airbrushed into unrealistic levels of beauty and thinness. It’s an epidemic that’s only getting worse and worse. Now, males and females alike feel they can’t measure up to what’s out there. Maybe the seeds of low self-esteem are sown elsewhere, but now society and the media make imperfections so immediately accessible, there is no relief from feelings of inadequacy. As media access is available younger and younger, kids are subjected to these unfair comparisons earlier and earlier.

Notice only one of the 10 causes of low self esteem development, mentions media and society? Yet kneegrows will blow up that one point and make it seem it is the only point to mention. If anybody ever saw a video of Christoper Wallace’s mother, as domineering and pretentious as any post colonial enslaved Islander, one would also overstand why Wallace himself is such a self hating and self destructive individual. While males tend to deal with low self esteem, somewhat differently from women, the causes remain the same. It starts at home and is develop at home. However, anything that support the kneegrow females pathology and takes a huge defecation on the kneegrow males own pathology….or the other way around…. will always prevent us as a collective, to never, ever achieve commonality. Commonality is that elusive thing needed to hopefully crawl out of the sewage of Stockholm syndrome, we seem to enjoy wallowing in.


Self esteem is not often, seen in the extreme version that Lil Kim portrays.  It is often exhibited, in the actions of the Serena Williams of the World. Here is a charismatic, beautiful and highly successful Afrikan female, who has achieved fame and fortune far and above her birth environment could ever have produced. The above picture was captioned “staying classy”. As I can and will only speak for myself, Serena Williams by her actions is as distanced from classy as I can see. Mind you, she is not ratchet. So there is that. But this is a female, with all  her accolades, still has such a low self esteem, that she goes out of her way to parade her body excessively on social media.

When an Instagram “model” parades her naked and half-naked body on that platform, the only ones that celebrates, are the thirsty, doggish kneegrows fantasizing about dipping in and out that “hole”, or the kneegresses who live vicariously through those “models”. I say hole, because as quiet as its kept, most kneegrows act like walking penises, looking for a hole to “piss” in. And some kneegresses willingly offer up their bodies as that proverbial “hole”.

Serena is a different example of low self esteem, that acts out in extreme ways that portrays her as someone, starving for affection and for social acceptance and social media likes. She allows her handlers to objectify her and make mockery of who she is by having parading her body above and beyond what we care to know about who she really is as a person. These types of individuals will for ever, strive to enhance that flailing self esteem, through the acceptance of outside sources.

Now if you go back to the 10 reasons for low self esteem, you will notice where the majority of the issues lay. The parent and care giver. Which is why I often state that both William sisters, started experiencing a decaying self -esteem once, Richard Williams was pushed out of their lives. I have recounted how their parents divorce, created a rift between the children and the father, via the nefarious actions of the mother. Nefarious to the point where the sisters sued him for claiming to be the main reason for their successful rise in the game of Tennis. If anybody can depute that, then you have never followed the sisters career.

Sued by lawyers, hired by the lady’s and their manager. Guess who the manager is? Yep! Yep! Good old mom, who barely played a direct, significant role in their career rise. But again, this is how kneegrows roll.

Low self-esteem, doesn’t just show up in self mutilation and the pursuit of “likes” from strangers. It also shows up in the self destruction against others, who look like you. As is evident in this other video going viral on social media.

When little black girls are conditioned to make little black boys the focus of their lives. When little black girls are trained to compete for the attention of boys, neither of them (boy or girl) developing a full overstanding of their bodies, their own mental state and what the hell they want out of life, what we have is fuckery like the above incident. Not only are kneegrows breeding a new generation of violent savages of both sexes. Savages who would never turn the full force of their pent up rage against a random yurugu or worse the agents of the states, we are also breeding a different kind of savage.



The first picture above, is a reggae dance hall attendee. This is somebody’s mother or grandmother. She is not the only “lovely” representation of “black femininity” though. Just peep behind her to see variations of her. When kneegrows tell low self esteem females that they like a big woman or a woman to be sexy….I would like to think this is not what they mean. Then there is the other picture. This is some DJ in amurdikkka. Best believe that many kneegresses find no problem with this image. Yet these same kneegress will, feel ecstatic and “safe”,  when this “thing” shares cosmetic space in the bathroom with her. Shares her accessories and even her clothe. Because you know, “he is a man, who’s not afraid to show his feminine side”.  Later these same females will be mad when he fucks or gets fucked by her brother another friend or even one of his friends. She will then lament to her friends, how “niggers ain’t shit” and “there are no good black men out there”!

Again with kneegrows, common sense and the adage you get what you seek is lost on them. The Chinese have a saying that is both a curse and a blessing. May you live in interesting times! And boy are we living in interesting times.

Such an interesting time period, that the I have now just finished processing the latest madness that kneegrows do, under white pathology. This is a story from Toronto Canada, that transpired about two weeks ago.  According to the local news, “Gang associates kidnapped, tortured, forced to play Russian roulette”

The story went as follows…In the early-morning hours of April 19, local hoodlums, the Young Buck Killers were partying at a room they rented for the night when a second gang, the Queens Drive Crips, came looking for them.  The following images were lifted from cameras in an elevator, in the Toronto condominium at 300 Front St. W., a gunfight erupted on the 25th floor between the rival gangs. It quickly escalated into the kidnapping and torture of two 17-year-old boys.

Surveillance footage captures violent scene in Toronto condo elevator

Apparently four arrests have been made so far in connection to the shooting and kidnapping. According to po-LICE,  the two kidnapping victims were described as “friendlies” – associates of the Queens Drive Crips but personally on cordial terms with the rival Young Buck Killers. All that changed when more members of the Queens Drive Crips crashed the party.

YBK members allegedly caught wind of the pending attack and went looking for their rivals but came up empty. They rode an elevator back up to the rented condo, with guns in hand, unaware their enemies lay in wait on the 25th floor. Once they get to the top floor and exit the elevator, the members of the Queens Drive Crips gang were waiting for them and there was an exchange of gunfire.

On the Security camera video, one can see young men scattering as the gunfire erupted. One man is seen cowering in the corner of the elevator while another, who is believed to have had his head grazed by a bullet, drops to the floor as the doors close. Miraculously, none of the combatants were seriously hurt ( a testament to the ever present shooting skills of these wanna be bad men…or lack there of).

Two teen boys who had been at the party regrouped with their friends at a townhouse in Swansea Mews, near High Park, he said. Once there, YBK members “blamed” the boys for the ambush, accusing them of “tipping off” their rivals about the party. They were kidnapped and tortured and held for ransom over the next several days, police said. The two youths were tied to a chair and severely beaten. During their beating, they were forced to play Russian roulette with a loaded handgun and were “forced to perform sexual acts.” What the acts were, one can only speculate.

Neighbours called police concerning a disturbance in the area, but they were too late. By the time officers arrived, the teens had been moved to a location in the Lawrence Heights neighbourhood ( once self styled as the “jungle”) where the brutality continued. They suffered abuse until a ransom was paid two days after the incident, police said.

One neighbour on the 25th floor of 300 Front St., who wished to remain anonymous for her safety, was awoken by the gunfire. “I wanted to come out, but I didn’t. I realized how late it was and I thought that they were drunk and fighting physically,” she said in an interview. She said she heard men scream and run, but a few minutes later, they were gone.

Quinton Gardiner, 19, is charged with kidnapping for ransom and firearms offences while Akil Whyte, 23, Deshawn Walters, 18, and a 16-year-old boy face gun charges.

However, the two suspects thought to be most involved in the abduction and torture of the boys remain on the loose. Police have sought judicial authorization to release a photo of one suspect, Thai-Shay Gordon, who is just 17 years old. Earl claims the teen, whose nickname is “Pistol,” was the alleged “ringleader” of the kidnapping. Lincoln Richards, 23, is also wanted for the abduction. He’s known to frequent the areas of Finch and Martingrove, Swansea Mews, Leamington, Ont., and Kingsville, Ont.

Both Gordon and Richards were described as “very violent.”  Quinton Gardiner, 19, also named as one of the primary instigators of the incident and was apprehended by police on Saturday. He faces numerous charges, including kidnapping for ransom and assault with a weapon. Gardiner interestingly enough, is a second generation criminal, whose older brother 24 is in jail for gun charges and his father, is already spending 18 years in jail for murdering a security guard.



While the victims were held captive at the townhouse, police responded to calls for a suspicious incident at the complex twice but found nothing out of the ordinary.  Following the police response, the kidnappers moved the boys to other locations in Lawrence Heights. Earl said the victims’ families later alerted police after being contacted by the abductors with ransom demands.

The boys were released by their captors on Sunday the 22nd, but only after the ransom was paid by their loved ones, he said, unwilling to elaborate on the amount of cash involved. “We’re also looking for his family members,” Earl said, adding it’s thought Richards’ grandmother, mother and sister were present in the Swansea Mews home during the beatings.

Glad to see this was a family affair and that kneegrows still do family events. Sigh!



Who are these two gangs? 

Young Buck Killas:  Also known as YBK members were originally rooted in Toronto’s Jane St.-Finch Ave. W. But the gang’s involvement in the gun and drug trade has been known to reach Hamilton, ON, Calgary, AB, Fort McMurray, AB, Saskatoon, SK, and Surrey, B.C. According to the information put out, the po-LICE first began looking into the street gang in May 2011 after a rash of shootings involving YBK and a rival gang, the G-Siders, in the city’s northwest end.

After realizing YBK members were funneling guns and drugs across the country, a massive investigation was launched dubbed Project Marvel — so named because some members used street names taken from Marvel Comics. In December 2011, Toronto Police revealed Project Marvel had led to the arrests of 20 YBK members and dozens of associates from various jurisdictions on gun and drug charges.

Queens Drive Crips:

Little is known about the Queens Drive Crips, whose members hail from the area of Queens Dr. and Jane St., south of Hwy. 401. Toronto Police say Queens Drive Crips are just one of the numerous street gangs in an area where new crews routinely pop up.


So there you have it. Low Self esteem and self mutilation, low self esteem and self destruction through violence. Two main pillars of the kneegrow’s self hating tendencies, which keep cropping up. And we wonder why Yurugu is steady winning. All that energy spent savaging ones self and others that look like you.


Have you forgotten that once we were brought here, we were robbed of our name, robbed of our language and by the way we act, we have even lost our minds
 Dr. Khalid Abdul Muhammed



May you live in Interesting times indeed!