In the pursuit of happiness; pt 2

Heavy is the crown you wear

Another happy home for sale,
one more love has failed
Two more fools have tried
But they got s much pride inside
That they don’t believe in giving in
Though they both know
they both can’t win

Ones right one must be wrong
But forgiving makes a love grow stronger
When the piece of your love
are scattered far and wide

Bend down, bend down,
take them from the ground now

Just forget your foolish pride
Let peace and love abide
Bend down, bend down,
take them from the ground

Don’t fuss and fight no more
Love can open any door
Love will find away
To bring you happy,
happy days now

Forget our sorrow now
Live for tomorrow now
Don’t let your children pay
For anything you say now

When the pieces of your love
Are scattered far and wide
Bend down, bend down, bend down
Take them from the ground now
Just forget your foolish pride
Let peace and love abide
Bend down, bend down

The quote, “Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown”, comes from the play King Henry the Fourth, Part Two, by William Shakespeare. It is a person who has great responsibilities, such as a king, is constantly worried and therefore doesn’t sleep soundly.

Over the last few days, I have seen more than a few postings and memes about black love. Celebrating black love. Showing positive images of young vibrant looking couples as the face of black love. Positive indeed!

Growing up as a child, I often hear that a man’s home is his castle and he is the king of his castle.  Evolving from a teen into an adult, I have heard that while the man is the head, the woman is the neck that moves the head. Growing into and still evolving into the overstanding of myself as a man, I am aware that the symbiotic, interpersonal relationship between a man and a woman, works best when they each are aware of their complimentary characteristics and their willingness to implement these characteristics to benefit the relationship.

Different from social the media likes, that many today pursue, the desire to be liked “within” a mature and authentic relationship, lies in its reciprocity.  Reciprocity is the practice of exchanging things with others for mutual benefit, especially privileges granted between compliments in a complimentary relationship.  Part of this reciprocity, as I stated in previous article of the same subject, finds strength in allowing each other the room and freedom to physically and emotionally express themselves.

Freedom and love go together. Overstand that love is not a reaction. Love is not something that relies on how we feel that day. If I decide to workout only on the days I “feel good”, there would never be any progress or success. If I decide to only smile when something MAKES me smile, i wouldn’t smile at all. Especially if you drive in my City”s downtown core. If I love you because YOU love me, we are just trading superficiality. Modern aspect of this dirty four letter word we claim is love, is really concerned with or comprehending only what is apparent or obvious. It is a shallow apparency rather than the experiencing of actual or substantial feelings.

The freedom inherent in authentic love begins inside of the self. In finding the freedom inherent in love and in expressing the freedom of love, one must first correct the chaos in the mind, in order for ones love life and life in general, to fall in balance. Authentic love is not about asking for things in return. Authentic love is not about me feeling that I am giving you something.  Authentic love is giving love, because, you want to without any expectations. And while you are not expecting something in return, embracing a reciprocal return is the essence of loving and being loved.

A man told motivational speaker, Eric Thomas he admired how he loved and poured love onto his wife. He asked E.T what kind of things he did to cement her apprecilove of him. He wanted to do some of the superficial things E.T does for his own wife. E.T, a very in demand speaker, told him he cooked, for his wife. He does her laundry and ensure she is relaxed and “taken” care of.  Later E.T approached the man and asked how the little “experiment” was going. The man said it wasn’t going well. He stated that doing his womans laundry or cooking for her was seen as him being a punk.

E.T told him that the failure did not lie in the effort. The failure lie in the incongruency between his value system and his action. For a man to say cooking for his woman or laundering her clothes, is being “soft”, is where modern love remains superficial, instead of authentic. The black man often times feel that just going out to work and bringing in the money, giving her money to get her nail and hair done, among other things, proves his love to her. He sincerely believes that, because many of us are children and grandchildren of people a couple of generation removed from the plantation. Due to this generational trauma, our inability to effectively complement our “mirror self”, is more a figure it out as you go along, than that of a systemic conditioning handed down by the elders.

Women today are all about what the man can do for her. Her expectations of him are higher than her own expected efforts. Women today can’t even cook and see cooking as slaving over a stove. Many woman have a good man at home, he may be “boring” because he isn’t about hype and excitability. But his efforts render him a “keeper”. Such a man is a man a woman should “spoil”, through being his comfort after a hard day dealing with white pathology. Cook for him, cuddle him and taking care of his other “physical” needs. Doing such a thing as being each other’s comfort, serving each other without being asked to,  ensures that the love has growth or potentiality of growth instead of stagnation. Stagnation is death and too many of us allow our relationship to die a miserable death.

We walk away from love as brother sang above, because we enter into situationship expecting to be hurt. This is the mentality of modern couples. Thus they find anything to justify walking away, “before love walks away from them”.

Relationships are not subject and should not be subjected to social media likes or superficiality of trendiness and the mentality of taking as much out of it as you can. Relationship requires work…another dirty four letter word. It requires a humility of mind, where we are not competing with each other. Relationship is a process that is long and difficult, due to our varied values. The lack of trust in the process is based on ignorance of it and a failure to apply the self to growing and learning what makes our compliment genuinely happy.

If we are to pursue happiness in love, we must first find that happiness in ourselves. This happiness requires us to do onto others as we would want them to do onto us. A deep overstanding of this idea, gives us a deeper overstanding of the freedom necessary for loving. As long as we pursue social likes in order to feel validated, we will suffer greatly. If we keep doing the same thing we keep doing, we will keep getting the same thing we keep getting. And while we keep getting the same thing, we EXPECT to get a different result. This is insanity and this is why we always get what we search for.

I am trying to get to that space where it is automatic. I pray that you do the same. Bless!


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