Forgiveness is the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven. To forgive someone is a very serious choice and act on the part of the forgiver, that speaks to the forgiver’s character. It says I have accepted what you did wrong and chose not to hate you or be angry with you for the act you committed.

Being forgiven is sometimes accepted with genuine sincerity by those whose original action created “bad blood”, anger, hate or antipathy from the aggrieved. Some people make a joke of being forgiven and will go right back to doing what they have always done. Which is to create newer and more intense animosity. They never learn and only their own self-destructive actions will one day cause them to reflect.

Some people fake forgiving but harbor hatred anyway. The true act of forgiveness to me is to accept that this person did you wrong and choose not to carry anger and hatred with you. You should not forget the slight or harm done against you, because this i apart of your relationship with the person who harms you. But you neither carry that memory excessively,  nor do you carry it at all when the person who you felt hurt you has shown authentic contrition.

Please note I am talking only about the kind of slight that comes from someone cheating on you or someone who you get into an argument with, that damages your social or interpersonal or Afrimantic relationship.

True forgiveness, though, is of the self and extended to the self. It is the ability to forgive yourself for your continued reaction to the original hurt. It is the maturity necessary to accept what was done to you,accept that you reacted in a certain fashion and choose to not continue to behave in a certain way.

This is necessary for emotional balance and healing. How you deal with the person who harmed you after your healing, depends on if they too forgive themselves through admission of guilt and through the restitution of trust. These thing don’t happen over night, but with honest and sincere effort, both parties can move on.

Note I said move on.

People in general who have experienced a fractured relationship, due to slight or hurt,  try to go back to where the act occurred.  No! Once the harm has been done, after forgiveness is meted out on both sides and restitution of trust is established, the only intelligent thing to do is to move forward from where the healing happened.

We can rage against the injustice for a time,  but eventually we will have to chose a day, when we must graduate from that hurt place. Never to look back, because we burn ourselves out otherwise.

To go back to the point before the healing is to drum up memories that may still be raw. Remember the emotion is a very strong energy and most of us are a slave to it.

Most of us conditioned by European and Arab religion and colonialism, seeks vengeance for all slight. Whether major or minor. I am not speaking to the Dylan Ruff and random race soldiers and citizen vigilantes, killing black men, women and children for their sick pleasures. Those kinds deserve a different kind of response. We can forgive ourselves after our sons, daughters and parents are vengeance.  This is not a turn the other cheek christianinsanity plea to let Geezus intervene.

The African way is to have healing. Have the village or community come together and heal the transgressor AND the transgressed. We don’t have that here in the west, but we can do small things together to create healing. Otherwise we will continue to savage each other,  use each other without worries or care.

The self-healing is necessary after a combined 1700 years of Arab and European colonialism, imperialism and enslavement. We need this. Both as individuals and as a people. It’s and process but a process we must trust and processed adhere to. Anything else is an admission that we can’t be healed.

The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for….. Bob Marley

Chronicles of a long distance runner; pt6

Success is the best revenge

Success is the accomplishing of an aim or purpose. Success is no accident. Nor is  success a product of “luck”. Success is getting what you want.  Success comes from putting your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts.

There are no secrets to success. Do you want to be some one who fears failure or someone who embraces success? Success is not final, though. Each moment of measurable, successful moment or achievements adds up over a period of time. But you have to measure them in order to recognize them. Failure is not fatal either. It is the courage to continue that counts.

Today is day 30 of the reset of a reset of my reset to transform my mind and body. They body feels good, which is what you feel long before you start seeing the effects of your efforts. Mind you, the longer you are at it the more will see the visual effects.

Slowly my body clock appears to be righting itself,  but because my mind has come to see waking up in the early morn as a habit, I wake up and get up and do my road work each day with less grumbling. Yesterday I incorporated 100 kettle bell swings to the double kettle bell press and other exercise. Today I took it to the next level by adding weighted vests to my power walk ( the knees and left calf is better, but the surgical knee runs hot and cold, so I am giving it more time).

It’s remarkable what 12.5 additional pounds does for your legs, core and lungs. Especially after hitting those stairs, 3/4 of the way into the route. I can just imagine when I add the whole 65lbs, how much more the effort and effect will explode through the roof. When I was in the army, when the older vets prepared themselves for physical evaluation, they always strap on a 60 lbs rucksacks and forced March themselves into shape. Back them I didn’t over stand.  Now I do.

Today was a victory on many fronts.  I made it to 30 days, with just one or two stumbles. I made it with renewed vigor and commitment to focus on the next 30 days, with the additional 30 days down the line being the graduated phase. 90 days…12 weeks…where the basics of fitness becomes entrenched and fitness training becomes a habit-forming “exercise” ( no pun intended) to take you to the intermediate level.

Success is the best revenge. 

Throughout our lives, we have had to deal with negative energies from people who see no value in us and who we are. These people will heap scorn on or have low expectations of us, especially when we stumble,  fall or even just because they see in us an excuse to hide their own sad existence. I mean who shits on people they don’t know, for shits and giggles? Who denigrate their supposed friends, associates or even family members?

Only an asshole or someone hiding their own issues by projecting negativity on to someone else. Soon we incorporate these same negative energies into our day-to-day existence. We become the lies that people say about us.

A few of us will choose to fight back. But not necessarily directing the fight physically at the assholes. Though that is often not a bad idea. At the end of the day though, the best way to shut up people like that is to successfully transform yourself into a new person.

Most people will clown us for being overweight, too short, not attractive enough,  too boring, too old, too young, or lacking enough money to make them ignore all the other stuff I mention.

The only thing you cannot change from the list above is your height. You can transform your body through diet and exercise. Your look in many instances do improve when you start glowing from inside and away from an unhealthy lifestyle. In transforming your body and begin to glow from inside, you will find that it has a positive impact on your personality.

Mind you…people’s basic personality never changes. But with a renewed and healthier outlook, you will be able to manage the unavoidable flaws, while improving or eliminating the avoidable ones. See you don’t have to remain boring. We all age but we all don’t have to get old. Viewing the world through a healthy positive prism, ensures that people will see your age, yet not see your age.

Meditate on that for a bit.

As for not having too much money? Becoming a man or woman of “power”, will often render financial lack obsolete.

Let me explain. ..

Once your physical fitness level increases, it normally impacts the mind and emotions in a positive way. Having a positive outlook about who you are and about how you see the world, alters your personality from a boring one, to one that is attractive. Most people love to be around positive people.  They enjoy the good feelings they get from your presence. Positive personalities are always sought out and invited to every social gathering.

The attraction we feel being around someone with a positive energy and a positive personality is what pseudo scientists call magnetism.  A magnetic personality is often associated with power. Social power. Which is all that matters in this day and age. Social power is sexy, compelling and creates followers. If you already have intelligence and some level of eloquence, buried under your previously boring persona,  then when it comes out you become a sort of celebrity.

People give you things,  including money, jobs, access to jobs, networking assistance and a bevy of other stuff, you wouldn’t have had if you had not transformed yourself. Thus you become successful. A picture of the success of transformation.  So much so that those people who previously saw you as a laughing-stock, will marvel at you. They will even attempt to insinuate themselves into your new circle. Heck some may even say they knew you had it in you.

You have successfully changed the old image into newer, much more enjoyable one. Now isn’t this form of revenge the best meal served cold? And isn’t success the best revenge? Because it usually take’s anywhere from 30 days to 12 weeks to 25 years of hard work and dedication to be “discovered” as an overnight success.

Keep your head down and grind it out as if you are getting up in the a.m. and doing road work with the goal of being at an elite level.

Better than an angry retort, physically kicking some ass or curling up into a ball and rolling and way,  becoming successful is always the best revenge.