Forgiveness is the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven. To forgive someone is a very serious choice and act on the part of the forgiver, that speaks to the forgiver’s character. It says I have accepted what you did wrong and chose not to hate you or be angry with you for the act you committed.
Being forgiven is sometimes accepted with genuine sincerity by those whose original action created “bad blood”, anger, hate or antipathy from the aggrieved. Some people make a joke of being forgiven and will go right back to doing what they have always done. Which is to create newer and more intense animosity. They never learn and only their own self-destructive actions will one day cause them to reflect.
Some people fake forgiving but harbor hatred anyway. The true act of forgiveness to me is to accept that this person did you wrong and choose not to carry anger and hatred with you. You should not forget the slight or harm done against you, because this i apart of your relationship with the person who harms you. But you neither carry that memory excessively, nor do you carry it at all when the person who you felt hurt you has shown authentic contrition.
Please note I am talking only about the kind of slight that comes from someone cheating on you or someone who you get into an argument with, that damages your social or interpersonal or Afrimantic relationship.
True forgiveness, though, is of the self and extended to the self. It is the ability to forgive yourself for your continued reaction to the original hurt. It is the maturity necessary to accept what was done to you,accept that you reacted in a certain fashion and choose to not continue to behave in a certain way.
This is necessary for emotional balance and healing. How you deal with the person who harmed you after your healing, depends on if they too forgive themselves through admission of guilt and through the restitution of trust. These thing don’t happen over night, but with honest and sincere effort, both parties can move on.
Note I said move on.
People in general who have experienced a fractured relationship, due to slight or hurt, try to go back to where the act occurred. No! Once the harm has been done, after forgiveness is meted out on both sides and restitution of trust is established, the only intelligent thing to do is to move forward from where the healing happened.
We can rage against the injustice for a time, but eventually we will have to chose a day, when we must graduate from that hurt place. Never to look back, because we burn ourselves out otherwise.
To go back to the point before the healing is to drum up memories that may still be raw. Remember the emotion is a very strong energy and most of us are a slave to it.
Most of us conditioned by European and Arab religion and colonialism, seeks vengeance for all slight. Whether major or minor. I am not speaking to the Dylan Ruff and random race soldiers and citizen vigilantes, killing black men, women and children for their sick pleasures. Those kinds deserve a different kind of response. We can forgive ourselves after our sons, daughters and parents are vengeance. This is not a turn the other cheek christianinsanity plea to let Geezus intervene.
The African way is to have healing. Have the village or community come together and heal the transgressor AND the transgressed. We don’t have that here in the west, but we can do small things together to create healing. Otherwise we will continue to savage each other, use each other without worries or care.
The self-healing is necessary after a combined 1700 years of Arab and European colonialism, imperialism and enslavement. We need this. Both as individuals and as a people. It’s and process but a process we must trust and processed adhere to. Anything else is an admission that we can’t be healed.
The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for….. Bob Marley