“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”— Oscar Wild
The Paradoxical Commandments
- People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway.
- If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.
- If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.
- The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
- Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.
- The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.
- People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
- What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.
- People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. Help people anyway.
- Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.—Kent M. Keith, The Silent Revolution: Dynamic Leadership in the Student Council
Forgiveness when you break it into its base component, is merely the act of not being upset at somebody who did you “wrong”.
Wrong carries many connotations and includes anything from physically harming you or your family. An example being how Dylan Roof was forgiven by surviving victims or families and friends of the victims of his North Carolina church massacre.
Or it could be how integationists insist on forgiving random white people for the sins of their ancestors during the Ma’afa, that made Europe and North amurdikkka, the pre-eminent economies on the planet.
Or it could be forgiving someone who broke your heart Afromanticly, carry no resentment or bitterness going forward. Many in modern society talk a good game of forgiveness, as long as THEY are not the ones asked to forgive. THEY would prefer to carry said resentment and bitterness…even potential violence beyond the grave.
A glaring example was Jewish lawyers during the 90s who were sill hunting Nazis from the past, who went to Argentina to dig up the bones of an alleged Nazis and put said bones on trial.
When I was a child, I accepted to idea of forgiveness through the prism of Christianinsanity, yet practiced forgiveness through the lens of the Christian crusaders. After all as a child I and my peers, like all children did and continue to do, watched what the adults did, instead of listening to what they said.
As a young man with anger issues that remained into my late adulthood, I was pretty proficient in not forgiving and definitely not forgetting any slight. I remember “fondly” recounting how my generation would have that one dude…like a younger me…who would catch another dude eyeballing them and used that as an excuse to set some unpleasant violence off.
Think about that statement for a minute.
It was that social conditioning that became the antithesis of the other social conditioning of accepting any shit thrown your way as an act of cowardice. Over the last little while I have personally been trying to analyze what forgiveness means to me. Lately I have been placed in a situation of overstanding of how having to forgive somebody forced me to subsume anger, bitterness and thoughts of revenge.
It was through my increased interest in IFA and my small overstanding of ancestral knowledge that I equal parts am now forced to deal with the raw emotion involved in forgiving somebody I didn’t want to forgive. While at the same time really came to a deeper overstanding that forgiveness has and should not have anything to do with the party that hurt you.
Forgiveness is about refusing to be consumed with the pain and flame of anger and revenge, that tends to pop up when hurt by another. To forgive is to forgive YOURSELF…not the other, because without that control one would be like the berserker of Europe, taking a broad sword to anything insight.
The other party need to forgive themselves of the wrong they did and seek to right the wrong done.
However, in using the Christianized version of forgiving, many tend to either include of ignore the other aspect of that reaction. Forget.
The brain, the mind and the heart are very poor practitioners of forgetting past hurt. This is where a true overstanding of forgiveness can happen. And it must be contextual. Many ancient and modern Afrikan cultures…those not poisoned with Christianinsanity and the westernized slave mentality, approached forgiveness as a community and specific cultural practice, that requires the perpetrator to seek forgiveness in their own right and to practice restitution as a sign of their sincerity.
It’s not enough to say I am sorry, but you have to make things right as best you can in order to make the forgiveness mean something. One example of sincere restitution comes from Japanese’s brutal feudal era, where honor is paramount and “loss of face” or honor demands the perpetrator of any dishonorable acts be at best gut themselves in ritual suicide, called Sipaku. Or worse be ostracized by the community. Their family disbanded and their possessions divided.
Nature demands balance in all things. Thus hurting somebody oo something or someones property, demands a balancing of the slate. The Japanese like quite a few societies had other means of ensuring that the scales are balanced.
The rise of the Ninja and the guild of assassins that have been part and parcel of government practice since politicians and prominent citizens were stabbed or poisoned in Greco-Roman history, speaks on this.
Forgiveness means many things to different people. Yet the most misunderstood aspect of forgiveness is its effect on the forgiver than on the forgiven. The act of forgiveness shoul put you in a state where you are not consumed by hate and desire for revenge. It does not however or should not be seen as forgetting, until the scales are balanced through restitution.
This needs to be reflected on deeply.