Guess who’s coming to dinner

The first time i heard about a story like this, was around 2005 or so. I was working at a homeless shelter and wondered what in the name of all that was sensible, would make a single black woman invite a homeless bum, into her home and into her bed?

The story was so appalling yet predictable that the inevitable outcome did not surprise me one bit. He is in jail, she is dead and friends loved ones and even strangers are left wondering why?

Why? Did she do it? How could she have thought about such a thing?

In December a sister that was on my Facebook friends list, was murdered in Jamaica, because after moving back home, eventually invited an old neighbourhood “friend” to live with her….because he was homeless. There was nothing in the story to imply they  were lovers. And i won’t sully her reputation by speculating on that. What I did hear though was they  had a falling out over money. Him begging her for some, and she explaining that money was not immediately available when  he begged for it.

So he killed her.

I can’t count how many times I read about black women inviting homeless men into their homes as lovers, only to have them raped, moles or abuse her girl children and in a few cases, boy children. The latest one actually impregnated three sisters at the same time. One had an abortion and the other two, brought  the baby to term because the pregnancy was found out too late to be aborted.

As a former shelter worker and counselor, I can attest to the fact that homelessness is a social  stigma, but not an affliction. And shouldn’t  be. Being a bum is a stigma. And being a homeless bum is both a stigma and an affliction. Most homeless men, will strive to  get the  hell off the streets and out of the horrors of a shelter. A homeless bum will feel right at home. Doing the bare minimum to survive and making excuses for his station in  life.

Like everything in life, its less about how you got  to where you are, but how you recover and move from where you are. Hence why i made a distinction between being homeless….the results of a set of unfortunate circumstances . And being a homeless  bum…a life of homelessness, deliberately chosen as a vocation.

Why black women choose to pick up strangers off the street and take them home is very disturbing to me. And and speaks to some hidden desire to save everything  and anything possible. Stray dogs, waste men, homophiles, white people and homeless  kneegrows.

We make jokes about cuffing season and how waste men, prepare and get unthinking or needy females to accommodate them, in return for companionship and bed warming. Even if only for the winter period. It’s a deadly joke that black women, and friends and families of black women who do this, need to stop!

Black woman stop picking up bums off the streets. You cannot save everybody and despite what you hear about us as black men being beaten down by the system, this is an extreme behavior on your part. If you as a single black woman choose to pick up a stranger….often because you  are feeling sorry  or feeling lonely for companionship…. get a cat. Hell get a dog even….and i am neither a cat or dog person.

There is something really disturbing when you as a single women, bring a stranger into your home, especially  around your children, to feed them, shelter them and fuck them.

Yes! I said the f- word. because lets face it, we hear the stories. We know some of the players personally. But we make jokes, turn our faces and tut, tut, when the proverbial shit hits the fan.

Listen…if I am homeless and a strange  woman invites me into my home, I probably am gonna accept. After all what is the alternative?

And I am not saying you can’t try to help out a brother in need. If you  feel the need or urge to do so,. However, i urge you to pass the information on to a local church, shelter or consult with another black man who you trust and who you know would do something to use his experience and insight as a man, to help out.

At a time when black men, already known to black women, are abusing, beating or even killing them and their children, its beyond comprehensible for a single or sole  support black woman to pick  up a stranger of the streets, out of some “christian” sense of duty or worse, from some misguided feelings of obligation, loneliness or neediness.

Stop doing it! Please stop doing it! As a black man, authentic in my masculinity, i cant protect  you as part of my Afurakan, ubuntu worldview, if you don’t even want to protect  yourselves.