Friends….


 

Friends 
How many of us have them?
Friends
Ones we can depend on
Friends
How many of us have them?
Friends
Before we go any further, let’s be
Friends*…
…Is a word we use everyday. Most the time we use it in the wrong way. Now you can look the word up, again and again. But the dictionary doesn’t know the meaning of friends. And if you ask me, you know, I couldn’t be much help. Because A friend is somebody you judge for yourself
I remember in a moment of profound inspiration, many years ago, a formula for friendship was divinely delivered to me. Since then I have often used the phrase. .
“Friends are the precious flowers in the garden of life”.
Since then I have applied this notion of friendship to those people who mean much to me.
Some are ok, and they treat you real cool
But some mistake kindness for bein a fool
We like to be with some, because they’re funny. Others come around when they need some money. Some you grew up with, around the way. And you’re still real close too this very day. homeboy through the Summer, Winter, Spring and Fall. And then there’s some we wish we never knew at all. And this list goes on, again and again. But these are the people that we call friends
Friendship and what it means to be a friend, is socially broken up into different categories under western pathological world view. When we the Afurakan, embrace the Euro-clowns definition of what it means to be a friend. Or what friendship entails. We end up counting and measuring. Counting and measuring is how Yurugu delineates and categorizes person, place and things in life.
Delineates: indicates the exact position of (a border or boundary).
So we use terms such as “fair weather” friends. Best friends. “True” friends. Friends with “benefits”.  We have friends strictly to party with. Work friends. Hood friends. “Girl” friends. Homeboys. And something called acquaintances, which are categorized as not really a friend but a sort of friend.

 

When we first went out together, we barely knew each other. We had no intentions, on becoming lovers. But in no time at all, you became my girl. Me and you, one on one, against the world. Talkin on the telephone for hours at a time. Or else I was at your house, or you was at mine. Then came the arguments and all kinds of problems. Besides making love, we had nothing in common. It couldn’t last long because it started out strong. But I guess we went about the whole thing wrong. Cause out of nowhere it just came to an end. Because we became lovers before we were friends

One of the most confusing things I have ever heard, somebody say was that they have their wives/husband or girlfriend/boyfriend (pick one) and the have their best friends.
??????
So let me get this straight…and this does happen.  You choose someone to be sexually intimate with, and practice Afuramance with, but turn around and state you have someone else as your “best friend”? You are telling me you have a commonality with someone else, that you do not have with your intimate other?
I would think that who I share a pillow with or share body fluid with, should be my best friend. My compliment and that person have a lot in common with.
But since we are both sexually and relationship confused. We have come to believe that we can screw somebody and not be friends with them, while at the same time, we can also have a “serious” relationship, but not see that person as a best friend.
This is why the phenomena of “friends with benefit” came about. Because sex is one of the driving forces in a Afuramantic relationship and not, heaven forbid, friendship. Which brings me to this other misunderstood enigma called love.
Love (whatever the hell that is) in a relationship, before friendship is like putting the cart before the horse. What drives a relationship (remember my basket?) is not this misunderstood thing called love.
Nooo!
What drives a relationship is friendship. And if you have a friend, then the person should be somebody you trust. Somebody you accept for who they are. And if you cannot trust or accept them for who they are, then they should neither be your friend or lover. And by the way…this friends with benefit thing, never works because inevitably somebody will catch “feelings”. Even John’s catch feelings for their favorite hooker. Which is why you see kneegrow athletes engaging to and marrying strippers.
But let’s not digress.
Now I am not saying you can’t have a friend you are alright with. But your best friend is somebody you have a special love for. Two male friends can love each other without any homosexual implication. Hell women do it! But Afuramantic relationship sometimes ( not always) seems devoid of the kind of friendship that has trust and acceptance as part of its formula.  And one of the main reasons why such break ups happens is the lack of trust or acceptance,  never being there in the first place. Because we use counting and measuring to define Afuramantic relationships, instead of good old fashion friendship.  Heck platonic friends often fight and argue and get back together stronger than Afuramantic relationships, due to the very same thing i keep echoing. Acceptance and trust. Not counting and measuring and the need to change your compliment. And in complementarity lies the hidden solution.
You say you and your girlfriend were so tight. You took her out with you and your guy one night. She even had a set of keys to your home. And you shared mostly everything you owned. But as she shook your hand, she stole your man. And it was done so swift, it had to be a plan. Couldn’t trust her with cheese, let alone your keys. With friends like that you don’t need enemies. You wonder how long it was all going on. And your still not sure if your man is gone. You say, well if she took him he was never mine. But deep inside you know that’s just another lie. And now you’re kinda cold to the people you meet
Cause of something that was done to you by some creep. But nevertheless, I’ll say it again. That these are the people that we call friends.
A real friend will never betray you or your trust, over money, women, men, a job or something ridiculous.  We however are easy prey to grimy people because of our neediness to be liked. Or neediness to be around certain others due to social conditioning, causes our downfall and heart ache. Many of us have “friends” who have suspect character, but we choose to be close to them still. Acceptance does not mean playing the ass. If your homeboy is a pussy hounding dog. You are of the same mindset without the behaviour. Or your standards are low. No wonder he hits on your current girlfriend or worse jump into the void as soon as the last one and you had a fight.
Your girlfriend who solicits or “steal” your man had always exhibited suspect characteristics, but you gave her the time of day, because she is cool in other ways. This is a disclaimer….no outside person can “steal” your man or woman. That’s just not possible. The person you were intimate with always had poor characteristics themselves, but again I ask. Was that person your friend AND lover? Or was that person a product of society’s notion of counting and measuring?
At the end of the day you have to be careful when we swear on a bible, Qur’an, your life for ANYBODY.  Because people have flaws and do disappoint you. And if you learn to accept people for who they are and believe they are who they are based on how they behave, then you will know how far to trust them. That way the hurt or disappointment wont blind side you.  The measure of your trust dictates the measure of your relationship. Not your expectations which are based on social norms of a society sexually and relationship confused.
Friendship, like love, should never be something you “fall” into, based on superficialities. It should be cultivated, nourished and worked on. It should have trust and acceptance as its foundation. And that friend should exhibit good enough characteristic that makes it worth your effort. Regardless of where you place your trust or friendship, it should not be taken for granted or misunderstood, by you or that other person.
*Friends
How many of us have them?
Friends
Before we go any further, let’s be
Friends*
*Friends
How many of us have them?
Friends
One’s we can depend on
Friends
How many of us have them?
Friends
Before we go any further, let’s be
Friends*

7 thoughts on “Friends….

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