But then, other alleged experts have pointed out that it is not money issues that are at the root of relationship break ups, but incompatibility between the principles in a relationship which lays the foundation for discords and break ups. This was an interesting point and which I find credible. As I stated, we are a status driven society, where everybody has made Andy Warhol a prophet as they are seeking not only their 15 minutes of fame, but seeking to do so in the most dramatic and overt of ways possible. Being in a relationship and having a family was a status that was prized highly in ancient cultures, as I alluded to in my last post. This is because family was one of the highest status to pursue and being in a family was a valuable place to be in. In ancient societies, even though wealth may abound in some circles, the family was the most important example and evidence of wealth because one can become immortal through the DNA and through the memories passed down through ones progeny. This makes more sense and is tougher to invalidate than the desire for money or fear of not having any, being the catalyst for relationship demise. Soon the value and status of family was replaced by the value and status placed on someone with money, because people left the value based spiritual or communal ways to engage in the power and manipulation or adoration that wealth brings. Yet, due to the public fool system’s neglect in teaching us how to properly use money, but allow us to misuse money, it does not negate the fact that there are many African couples who are bitterly unhappy with each other and their relationships even while the money is good and both parties have excellent earning potential. Therefore money is not the root of all evil and neither is it the source of marital problem. However, money is one of the means one can identify as a deal breaker in a broken relationship. This is because of what money represents. Money represents value, status, acceptability, safety and security.
In exploring the compatibility angle, we get to realize that the compatibility of the African man and woman is based on a broader platform and missing that platform precipitates one day, two years or a life time of pain, anger, loneliness and leads to the level of acrimony we see today between two who should be complimentary, yet are like two warring factions. Compatibility, again when viewed from a certain angle is based on how we view the world, ourselves, our needs and our future. Then we juxtapose this against the prevailing societies’ dictates of what family, relationship and socialization is all about. Remember, we are all in a culture, it begs to ask which culture are we in? Ask any 10-20-100 woman, what they want or expect in a relationship and at least four out of five reasons point to money or status, that has little or nothing to do with family. Even the proverbial misused notion of romantic love is not really a realistic expectation, but a knee-jerk thing they throw out without the proper meaning or over standing. Regarding their expectations for a relationship, African women in this society often cite several factors such as:
- Education which is a status symbol based on most definition and often leads to a “good” paying job.
- Employment, this needs no translation.
- Having things such as, a car, house, bank account or the ability to procure one of each or preferably all.
- Security which is the man’s ability to secure her from harm, not harm from invaders or a mugging, but harm in the sense from hunger, homelessness and lack of clothes and be able to secure any potential children from same.
- Happiness or love, which is an elusive dream if you seek it outside yourself, but in reality means adding value to your existence.
Strong Independent Black Woman = Bamboozled
When the modern man talks about the ideal woman, he will sometime talk about her physical looks, her devotion to him, her education level, and whether or not she has a job, or has a potential to find work. When the modern woman talks about the ideal man, they talk about what kind of bank he has, if he dresses nice, if he can take care of her and whether or not he has earning potential. From this unscientific (which is not necessarily bad) break down, we over stand that for the woman, security is paramount for her in a relationship. She just uses the modern day translation of MONEY, and the status and value it brings, as example or substitute for security. And please over stand. In today’s society, money is also another name for STATUS! For the man in the relationship, it is physical comfort, with money being of secondary importance. For her money translate as security and comfort. For him it’s the other way around. For a man, comfort is predicated on how a woman makes him feel when they are alone and when in public. The comfort comes from her validating his position as her protector and provider and is validated by her devotion and support. If you want to call it ego stroking go right ahead, but if you see making me feel good by validating my importance to our relationship as ego stroking and a negative, then we are not on the same page. Her comfort comes from knowing he will protect her, lay down his life for her, or better still take out someone for her. This is why modern woman tend to gravitate to thug like or aggressive behavior. Not necessarily because she likes that image, although many do like to live on the proverbial edge…but what it represents; a man who –on the surface-appears to be his own man and takes not shit from her or no one else. This is also why modern man, say they want a good “woman” who is supportive, devoted and is a source of comfort against the battle outside the house.
Now status is an overlooked and underappreciated position when dealing with people. I watched a Dave Chappell episode on youtube, where he was talking about men and woman and I became intrigued when he mentioned that a woman’s challenge is in material things and a man’s is women. According to his insight, A man can screw a woman in a card board box if he could, but he knew if he wanted some punanny, he had to go get a house or apartment or something other than a cardboard box (this doesn’t place men in a good light does it). Dave also explained this is why it is so easy to catch a woman with a car, some fine threads, jewelry, a dinner date etc. Tell me when was the last time you saw a player looking all raggedy and put out and I will show you someone with strong forearms. Now I man not saying the creature comfort, that a job, a good paying job, an education that gets a good paying job is wrong. But that is secondary to a couple who clicks, and communicates WITH each other, and respects each other and is compatible. Remember the idea of love being a package, from the post what is love?
“To this author many of us confuse the mature melding of two separates into a complementary one. Like a gift basket filled with precious gifts such as respect, support, friendship, over standing, communication, intimacy, sacrifice, sharing, caring, commonality, mutuality, mutual goal setting and endurance. This is all wrapped up in pretty flowery wrapping paper called love. Too many African men and women today have the wrapping paper and a gift basket short of many of the little gifts that should be there. But where did we learn this from?”
For Africans in the west access to money has not been a problem. Access to the means to generate wealth was the problem. The means includes a good formal education, the opportunity to earn our way and when those avenues are closed…the opportunity to forge our own way. In a white supremacist society our traditional oppressor utilizes nine areas of people activities (according to Elder Neely Fuller) to both confuse us and control our coming and going. These nine areas are Education, Entertainment, Economics, Law, War, Sex, Religion, Labour and politics (folly tricks). In that vein, the doers of Isfet-or chaos- embarked on engineering a plan to eventually enslave the populations of America Inc and other countries, similar to what was established in Europe. They began their initial experiment in the heart of Africa. Here the dehumanizing of the African people, ancestors of all the tribes on planet, was continued during Europe’s Imperial and Colonial barbarism and warfare in Africa, through the Jim Crow and Reconstruction period and culminated with the modern social experiment agenda. This agenda began with Susan B Anthony who whether she was a unwilling or willing instrument, begot what eventually became the feminist movement; this movement then begot the notion that women can be men in anything but having a penis (later I will show you how that is not even unimaginable anymore).