I wait in the darkness of my lonely room
Filled with sadness, filled with gloom
Hoping soon that you’ll walk
Back through that door
And love me like you tried before

 

Around the 1500 AD the veil came into practice as a spiritual protection of the brides face from evil spirits. Keep in mind in this period where if you sneeze it was believed that your soul leaves your body and go up to heaven (ghesundite is a Germanic word to help bring the spirit back to the body); also people around this time period though too much bathing opens up your pores to demonic possession. It was also the mindset that Pasteur was working in when he created the notion of germs (a substitute for evil spirits) that can enter your pores and “possess” you with illness.  Now the Caucasian’s his-story from the Caucasian mountains down through time has always had element of zoophiles or bestiality interwoven in there. The idea of a groom, comes from his relationship with the horse, the term bride came from bridle, the implement that harnesses and keeps the horse/woman, in control. And during the honeymoon, the groom mounts the bride and copulates in order to sire an offspring.

 

Since you’ve been gone
All that’s left is a band of gold
All that’s left of the dream I hold
Is a band of gold
And the dream of what love could be
If you are still here with me

 

The modern wedding traditions are not African, nor is it anyway similar to any other culture except the European specific culture.  The idea of a man and woman “moving away” from the family unit to make their own way was foreign to us. African family ties were very strong before the Ma’afa and in some areas continue to remain strong, albeit considered primitive and outdated. The extended families were kept intact and allow the elder mothers to help and guide the new wife in learning her responsibilities in the marriage. Neither individual are prepared to be organized and disciplined in their own lives but are now attempting to navigate this complex minefield called relate-shon-ship; a vehicle used to traverse the passage along turbulent waters of life, to safe harbors. 

 

Ooh, don’t you know that I wait in the darkness of my lonely room Filled with sadness, filled with gloom
Hoping soon that you’ll walk
Back through that door
And love me like you tried before

 

 There were 71,783 divorces in Canada in 2001, which is the last year for which statistics are available. This number has been more or less constant for several years now. The all-time high was in 1987, when there were 96,200 divorces. This followed the introduction of the Canadian Divorce Act in 1985, which liberalized the laws in Canada. There were 26,577 divorces in Ontario in 2001, which is the last year for which statistics are available. Again, this number has remained pretty much the same for several years. The riskiest year is the fourth year of marriage. In the first year of marriage, there is less than one divorce for every 1,000 marriages. After one year of marriage, there are 5.1 divorces for every 1,000 marriages in Canada. After two years of marriage, there are 17 divorces for every 1,000 marriages in Canada. After three years, there are 23.6 divorces for every 1,000 Canadian marriages. After four years, there are 25.5 divorces for every 1,000 Canadian marriages. After that, the chances of divorce decline slowly for each subsequent year of marriage. The statistics vary over time dramatically. The all-time low was in 1987, when it was expected that 50.6% of all marriages in Canada would end before the 30th wedding anniversary. Currently, it’s expected that 37.7% of all Canadian marriages will end in a divorce before the 30th anniversary. For more divorce statistics from around the world click here

Since you’ve been gone
All that’s left is a band of gold
All that’s left of the dream I hold
Is a band of gold
And the dream of what love could be
If you are still here with me

The rise in Divorces are directly proportionate to the increase in ignorance about the institution of marriage and how capitalism and modernism has co-opted and corrupted what was a natural celebration of the mechanism to perpetuate the species in an orderly and functional form.  It has been so misunderstood that we have women who live with a man for years having children with him, creating this fantasy of a white wedding dress. Now I have no problem if you get married after living together and having children, but the white dress is symbolic of the Judeo – Christian mysticism of virginity, where the virgin female use to denote an unmarried woman, but has been lied about as denoting a woman who has not had sexual relations. We have become so messed up today that young girls are having anal sex to preserve their intact hymen, or excusing fingering, a dildo or other implements inserted in the vagina as not really having sex.  To top it off, men  not of the Judeo Christian faith, who never the less have a screwed up world view of sex, believe that woman have to have their hymen intact or they are unworthy of their simple ass selves. Many women in the west have taken to practicing surgical re-virgin measures in the horrendous belief that their worth is tied up in that little patch of skin.

 African Wedding Traditions

Despite what those with mental health affliction called “racism” or as I call it Anti-African Hatred, believes, Africa is a large and varied continent containing some of the oldest civilizations on earth. It is home to a wide diversity of spirituality, religions and cultures, which are all reflected in its diverse and colorful weddings traditions. One wedding tradition we can point to as being central to African culture is importance of family. An African wedding brings two people together as a single unit, or the combining of two families or even the mixture of two tribes into one family unit. The concept of family is a unifying idea of the African culture.

There are more than 1,000 cultural units in Africa and each culture has its own wedding and marriage traditions, many of which can trace their origins back millennia. In Africa young girls are trained to be good wives from an early age. They learn secret codes and secret languages that allow them to talk with other married women without their husbands understanding what is being said. Depending on which part of Africa you are in, wedding ceremonies can be extremely elaborate, some lasting many days. Often huge ceremonies are held during which many couples are united at the same time.

In Sudan and in other areas along the Nile a man must pay his wife’s family in sheep or cattle for the loss of their daughter’s labor in support of the family. A wife may cost a man as many as 30 to 40 head of cattle. Often it is difficult to pay the family yet still have enough cattle left to support his new wife. Common to all wedding ceremonies is the concept of transitioning between childhood and adulthood. Divorce is rare in African marriages. Problems in a marriage are often discussed with both families and solutions found. Often entire villages join in to help a couple find solutions to their problems and keep a marriage from failing.

Marriage is sacred the world over, and that is definitely true in Africa, no matter which region or which culture you come from, and no matter what your religious beliefs. In fact, many cultures have a special totem that is designed to remind a couple that cultural and tribal differences must be allowed for in order to make a marriage succeed.

African Marriage: An Alliance between Kin Groups

Africa before the Ma’afa, was an alliance between two kin groups, rather than two individuals. These alliances were based on a transaction known as bride wealth, a custom which assured the continual re-distribution of resources. Bride wealth was paid from the groom’s family to the bride’s family and usually consisted of cattle or goats, a custom that changed when colonialism introduced a new economic system based on cash, hiking the price of bride wealth up so high that many young men could no longer afford it. The marriage alliance based on bride wealth transferred a woman’s reproductive rights and labor from her kin group to that of her husband’s. These traditional customs were particularly important among the rich; the poor, with fewer resources, were less likely to arrange marriages.

 

Parents rarely deferred the decision for marriage to the woman; she was meant to accept her parents’ wishes. Because marriage was a financial transaction between two kin groups, rather than two individuals, it could not be left up to the changing and unstable emotions of an adolescent girl. This fact is important marriage in Africa before the Ma’afa subordinated the desires of the individual as second to those of the group, a custom that was disturbed and undermined when African culture absorbed European values during the colonial invasion. Through marriage, women were an important source of cultural exchange. When women married into cultural groups outside of their own, they created a culture of female mobility. Women traveled from place to place in search of food; often, they intermarried and took on the ethnicity of their spouses. Intermarriage spread ideas, cultural customs and agricultural techniques. For example, during the early fifteenth century, intermarriage between Arab men and (Christian) Nubian women spread Islam across Nubia.

 

In portions of eastern Africa, Muslim law was implemented in the early sixteenth century due to intermarriage. For Arab men, marrying Nubian women was instrumental to establish themselves in the community – to gain political power and to obtain rights to settle and own land. During the colonial invasion, when Europeans began to condemn or ban the slave trade, African women in particular resisted the new laws because slavery had brought them substantial economic profits. Men were able to offer the advantage of lineage ties – i.e., marriage – to entice former slaves to remain with them; women who had “benefited” from slavery could not use that avenue. Polygyny was common across the continent, among both traditional African cultures and Muslim groups. Polygyny was both a status symbol and a system for accumulating more wealth. Wives were symbols of wealth and prestige. More wives meant that more fields could be cultivated, thus making it possible to increase wealth. The system of polygyny sometimes created situations that aroused jealousy, but some women wanted their husbands to marry again because they knew it would mean less work for them.

Relationships between first wives and subsequent wives could be complex. First wives retained many privileges, among them the right to demand younger wives to do a larger share of work. One of the most important connections among all of these traditions is a fundamental purpose of marriage: raising children. Every single one of these customs helped create a systematic method of rearing children. Bride wealth, for example, was paid so that the groom’s family could demand rights to the children. This meant that they would bear sons who could inherit the land and daughters who would bring wealth through labor and bride wealth. The African system of marriage, like the western system, had its share of problems. Whatever those problems were, when colonialism disrupted African customs, it created instability that undermined far more than the relationship between husbands and wives; the instability had a direct effect on how Africans raised children and passed on cultural customs and values. In post-colonial Africa, people are still coming to grip with new cultural values and ideals for marriage and raising children.

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