Healing the broken black woman


It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” – Frederick Douglass

The quote should really have said strong boys, because “strong children” implies girls as well. Which is something that may of us tend to overlook or take lightly. Black boys and black men have a unique set of struggles as the absolute bottom of the western laddar under white pathology.

We occupy that place because the savages fear us more than they fear the black woman.  Because the black man can and does have the capability to fuck or beat the savage white male out of existence. Simply put.

Where as the black woman has been for centuries, raped, abused and converted to embracing and indoctrinating her children into the white pathological ideology. She could be coerced into training her sons to be compliant, docile, emasculated, homophile and useless eaters as sole support mothers….or mothers in general…if she is coupled with the above mentioned and similarly raised child as her husband.

As men we Afrikans, under white pathology, are broken by the social and educational system and further debilitated by our parents through post traumatic slave induced socialization, with the added opiate of reLIEgion, which maintains our oppression.

Unfortunately black men do not care to, or know the extent of the damage that the black woman have experienced and continue to experience. I had been saying openly and sarcastically how much I don’t “know” black women.  This is in response in the face of so many confusing and puzzling behavior exhibited by black women I have encountered in my life.

Many of the low vibrational things that we as people have and continue to do, can be explained away as byproducts of post traumatic slave induced and post colonial poisoning. Many though are self-inflicted and just cannot be easily attributed to post slavery trauma.

I thought that in the case of black women, all these pseudo therapy session with Oprah and Iyanla Vanzant, all these books on uplifting black women, black girl rocks movement etc…that black women would be less puzzling to me. But like all things puzzling, there are reasons and clues behind these puzzles.

Just like in 2005, when my personal discovery of the level of molestation and rape laid clear with black girls and women, which was overlooked by my ignorance of these acts, an ignorance that came crashing down around me, my recent overstanding of the level of emotional brokeness of black woman has once again caused me to re-evaluate a lot of what I thought about black women and black women’s emotional stability.

Unlike black men who for decades found solace in a bottle, drugs, violence, recreational sexual activities and in being performing zoo animals for the pleasure of the savage male’s homophile peccadillo, the black women has had little room to heal or distract from her pain.

Despite all the cheerleading and ego boosting programs and information put out by equally damaged black women or people who like to tell black women how they should feel, there are more than one single reason the average black woman has severe issues that manifest through low vibrational and physical behavior or mental health crisis.

And the biggest reason she finds little solace from her ourstorical pain, lies in her out of control emotionalism AND most importantly her behavior… cased by the very real oppression…by the black man.

Oppression is the mistreatment  or discrimination, symptomatic of or within a social group with, or without the support of the structures of society . Many including myself have questioned how a black man can oppress a black woman, because we view oppression from a cross ethnic view scoop that we ONLY attribute to systemic white pathology.

Of lately though I have had to review my stance and have concluded that we as men do indeed oppress the very individual who is responsible for our very existence and who ultimately is our most strident supporter. She who is supposed to be our compliment is often used as a punching bag ( literally and figuratively) and convenient excuse to hide our shame and pain of cowardice and impotency, in the face of the savagery perpetuated against us by ourstorical enemy. The European male and his female mentor and biggest supporter!

Many of us as men, misuse the black woman by using her purely as a penis stimulator and cum dumpster, fucking with her emotionally and often leaving her with children we don’t care to support. All because we fear that raising and nation building with a strong black family foundation, would continue to make us a target for systemic white anger. Keep in mind the savage has colonized our land AND our minds. Thus when we dare to act as free men and women, embracing each other and loving each other righteously, this mother fucker will ride in on his donkey to interfere with our efforts.

He puts his whore in front of us to steal our sexual and emotional attention from the black woman. These days his whore is himself as he pushes sodomy over straight heterosexual Afromance. The savage rides in to ensure we are not capable of securing and providing for the black woman and our children, by creating systemic mechanisms that conditions or punish us if we even think about black nation building.

A black man in love and loving a black woman encourages him to try to provide for her as well as protect her from harm. It encourages him to build up the environment around them for their future successes.

But the fear of genetic annihilation forces the savage to interfere in our success trajectory from the most subtle to the most blatant means.

I.e. The conditioning and school to prison programming of the public fool shitstym. Where you are ether criminalized, dumb down or trained to be performing monkeys and gate keepers of white pathology. Then there is the circus called Christian-insanity and Arabism, where true Afrikan systems such as IFA/ORISA or VODOUN are regulated to spookism, substituting these original sciences for cults that have us worshipping people not of us or who don’t look like us.

And then we commercialize and are dismissive of IFA and VODOUN over other foreign cults and “systems” that traditionally oppress us and destroy our cultural paradigm. We are so dismissive of our own culture that we end up selling membership to the very same savage who sold us their spookism, watching as reverend pig feet and minister hog maw continues to rob, abuse, molest and lead their congregation astray for personal agrandizment.

What would Jesus or Mohammad do? Fucking nothing for you nukka!

Many of us black man have either been conditioned by a black woman who themselves were conditioned to fear us being lynched, by rearing us to be emasculated, docile and lovers of anything not authentically Afrikan. Or we were ignored by cowardly adult kneegrow males, who failed to prepare us to fight the enemy by any means necessary, all the while demanding that the fearful black woman stop babying us and recognize that we all gonna die under white pathology, so might as well take a few mother fuckers with us.

In other words many adult males as fathers fail to train our boys to be protectors and providers of our women, leaving it up to the women who often train them to be feminine men. Many of these boys grow up failing to properly protect and provide, choose and love the first woman in his life. Instead he grows up rejecting her for a pale symbol of womanhood.

We oppress her by showing and telling her how devalued she is, when we call her out of her name. When we hold up females of other ethnic groupings as the “ideal” example of womanhood. Shattering her self-esteem and sense of self as the original idealized woman.

We then prey on her in her vulnerable state either through physical abuse and harm, or through emotional manipulation. Because we “ain’t shit” in many circumstances. Remember the Ma’afa placed us in an adverse position, but we choose to remain in that position, preferring to survive savaging each other than to die savaging our oppressors.

Our ancestors more often than not, chose the latter from the minute the slave ships landed on our shores, up until we got sold down the river by crooked folly tricksters in a civil “rights” and reLIEgious scam.

Healing the broken black woman is a monumental task. But it is not impossible. Looking back on ourstorical monuments, creations and achievements….we should realize and overstand that nothing is impossible!

The hardest and most important thing for me to learn when dealing with a broken black woman was having patience. For one such as I, with a quick temper and an often unforgiving disposition, I knew I couldn’t continue to be part of the problem, so instead of trying to change her, I changed my approach to her. By learning how to listen to her pain, her fears and more importantly her disappointment with her various interactions with the men in her life, i am able to easier navigate the confliction and anger she carries with her.

By not personalizing everything she says, i give her a safe space to vent. And boy will she vent. Yeah! Many of her disappointments often comes down to bad choices. Whether initially or continually. But these very same bad choices are exacerbated by selfish kneegrows bent on their own desire to get theirs at her expense.

She often makes bad choices because in a fucked up way, she keeps believing in us and in the hopes that the next one will be the “one”.

She becomes cynical and eventually resentful. So resentful she ends up hating us. Just like many of us behave as if we hate her.  She is delicate and will take our lead if we show her we can lead her to a place of comfort and security.

Her confusion is partly her own. But it is also partly because of our own failure to give her a strong anchor of masculine authenticity. But “patient man ride donkey”, as I learned so many years ago as a child.

The second hardest thing to do is to deal with the kneegrows in her past and the ones now around us. The first ones are difficult to deal with as, they are baggage carried so long that the weight leaves her exhausted. Our only alternative is to show her that the past is the past for a reason. By behaving in a way she does not expect. By being considerate of her feelings and being genuinely interested in her welfare, without expecting sex or whatever in return.

Patience and authenticity is the key here!

The second one is not as difficult if we personally learn to correct those out-of-pocket behaving males closest to us. Whether by verbally chastising them for not acting right. To physically coercing them to do same. Even showing some of them how it is done properly, being the example we expect them to be. By choosing to be proactive as a masculine example, instead of being reactive or non active, when we see our closest allies behaving like ass holes, we not only show her that we don’t all support certain low vibrational behavior, we also become aware of our own struggles.

Because being her compliment requires a shift in perspective, away from some of the shit we are conditioned from young to embrace.

Her seeing us behaving authentically, goes a long way in reinstalling her faith that not all black men live an “aint shit” existence. At sometime in their lives, even our most strident supporters among black women, will start to wonder what’s the purpose of trying so hard. She will think that just settling is better than having high expectations.

Settling is a defeatist approach that has never, ever made anyone feel good. No matter how much they try to convince themselves otherwise.

We as men must change that, so that she then feels comfortable in changing her negative views of us. Mind you we can’t heal everybody. Some black woman have become so broken it behooves us to leave them where they are or risk them destroying us as they destroy themselves.

Many though can be healed. If we show patience. If we show genuine attention and love…not necessarily in a sexual way. We can heal them by creating a movement among us that encourages loving, nurturing and protecting her. We can heal her by bringing her and keeping her in the present. Holding out hope for a more positive future. Instead of allowing her to dwell on a past that was hurtful and disappointing.

The journey of a thousand miles, they say starts with the first step. For me, the first step in helping to heal a broken black woman, is to heal myself. I have to know what I want and how I want to maintain it. I have to choose a woman or be friends with a woman, honestly, authentically and consistently be consistent in living my personal truth.

We must be committed to helping her love herself again. Helping her to have faith in us again. Because a black woman who loves herself is a wonderful and powerful thing to behold. She in turn will love us again, but more importantly have faith in us again. And such a woman is a powerful engine that can drive the vehicle of nation building to untold heights.